T.A.R.D.
Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder is a pattern of pathologically
dissociative and psychotic behavior, first observed in the late hours of
November 8th 2016, and increasing in severity with passing time.
Sufferers of Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder often exhibit
pronounced cognitive dissonance, sudden bouts of rage, uncontrollable
crying, suicidal ideation, and extreme butthurt.
Signs and Symptoms:
People with Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder are characterized by a
persistent unwillingness to accept that Donald Trump is going to Make
America Great Again. Individual sufferers often display signs of
paranoia and delusion; in acute cases psychotic episodes have been
observed. Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder is different from being
upset about the results of the 2016 presidential election; People with
TARD are unwilling or unable to accept reality, despite irrefutable
evidence.
According to the DSM-V, individuals with TARD exhibit most or all of the
following symptoms:
Telling others they are moving to Canada
Fixated on fantasies about the Electoral College
Protesting an election no credible source contests the outcome of
Exclamations that “Someone” should do “Something”
Sudden weight gain
Acute change in demeanor from pompous and arrogant to fearful and
combative
Claim that anyone who disagrees with them is some combination of Racist,
Sexist, Bigoted, Homophobic, and Actually Hitler
Causes and Mechanisms:
Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder was directly caused by the election
of Donald Trump as President of the United States of America. For many,
both in America and worldwide, this was a shocking and unexpected
outcome; their preferred news sources having failed to inform them that
the alternative candidate was a criminal parasite in such ill health she
got chucked into the back of a van like a kidnap victim.
Research is ongoing, but TARD appears to correlate closely with the
following environmental and behavioral factors:
Membership in the Democratic party
Identifying as a Feminist
Currently enrolled in college, and/or
Possession of a Liberal Arts college degree
Cuckoldry
Living in a densely populated metropolitan area
Massive student debt
Spotty or non-existent work history
Hipsterism
Diagnosis:
Diagnosis of Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder is straightforward.
Ask the patient if Donald Trump is going to be the Next President of the
United States of America. Some patients will become agitated, and may
attempt to deflect. It’s critical you press them on the issue, even if
they start babbling about ‘muh triggers’. A sufferer of TARD will begin
to ramble incoherently, often displaying three or more of the symptoms
within a short period of time.
Co- morbidity:
A diagnosis of Trump Acceptance Resistance Disorder is highly comorbid
with Paraphilic Infantilism, Emotional Eating, Autism Spectrum, Bush
Derangement Syndrome, and adult bed wetting.
Treatment:
The only known effective treatment is exposure therapy. The patient must
be repeatedly exposed to reality, and should wear a Make America Great
Again hat as long as they are able to tolerate it. Each exposure should
increase in length, after a week the patient should be encouraged to be
seen in public wearing the MAGA hat. Coach the patient to refer to
Donald Trump as President-Elect Trump.
Patients with TARD are very resistant to treatment, and dangerous in
large groups. Any possibility of treatment requires that they be
separated from their hive-mind support apparatus; they cannot begin the
process of accepting reality in the presence of encouragement towards
delusion and irrationality. Separation may require the assistance of law
enforcement.
If you have a friend or loved one suffering from TARD, urge them to seek
treatment. Together we can beat this scourge, and Make America Great
Again!