President Donald Trump Announces Sale of California to Mexico – The Art
of The Deal
![](images/trump-and-mex-prez1.jpeg)
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO – March 15: President of Mexico Enrique Pena Nieto
(L) and President Donald Trump attend a meeting at Mar A Lago.(Photo by
Getty Images)
WASHINGTON (AP) – at 12:15pm today President Trump disclosed that he has
reached an agreement with Enrique Peña Nieto, President of Mexico, which
provides for the sale of substantially all of the State of California to
the country of Mexico. President Trump noted that this deal, which he
claims “is his YUGEst real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone
involved.
The two billionaires, who have clashed in the past, set aside their
differences and negotiated the deal in which Mexico will pay for the
wall, in exchange for the State of California.
One of the benefits Trump says he will highlight, during a prime time
address from the oval office later this week, will include using the
proceeds received by the US from Mexico to 1) pay for the wall
(fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include
the length of the eastern border of California, 2) fund all the
infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states and 3) pay to
relocate the 67 remaining Republicans that currently reside in
California.
He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of California
citizens on US social programs will allow those social programs to be
cash positive in less than 3 years.
Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill
to the Mexican Congress asking to change the name of the acquisition to
Mexifornia.
Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s
prime time address include:
• Mexifornia will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within Mexico
noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the
climate in the former State of California more desirable than the
climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.
• The elimination of the existing boarder between Mexico and California
will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and the users in
Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border will now be able to
use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease
congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city’s
universities more freely
• The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future
disaster relief required once the next megaquake hits California.
The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by
representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into
“time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where US
citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of
economic freedom.
Nancy P. Lousy released a statement stating that she looks forward to
making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year round
weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a
schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an
upcoming campaign to run for President of Mexico.
Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly
incorporated real estate company, Pmurt, Inc., which was intimately
involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25
billion on the California sale. An anonymous Pmurt, Inc. representative
has revealed that the profits on the deal are YUGE and will be used to
purchase, develop and convert all abandoned US Federal facilities in
California into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist
California residents with managing their euphoria and transition into
the nanny state they have so long desired to be.
The exact northern border of the new Mexifornia is still under
negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that certain
members of congress may be unwilling to give up California’s wine
country and are suggesting that the northern border align with the north
end of the Golden Gate Bridge but that Marin County will happily be
ceded to Mexico.
Mexifornia residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the
border into the US so that the total number of Mexifornia Liberals
entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed
predetermined levels. Residents that remain in Mexifornia after the
effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in
the US in the future.
Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is
looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly
acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a Second Language)
schools throughout Mexifornia. He also noted that funding for the
transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed
to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to
move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into
Mexico tax free. He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park
will now be located within his country an added bonus.
White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar
deal was in the works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY
through Maine, to Canada.
President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is YUGE and
will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again”.
If you just figured out this is a joke, satire as it is most commonly
called, then you aren’t as bad as the morons that are making comments
from just reading the headline and going off half-cocked. Give yourself
a hand!